by Lisa Yee
Arthur A. Levine Books - An imprint of Scholastic Press
Excerpt from the book. Reprinted with permission ©2005 Lisa Yee
June 27, 3:21 p.m.
Millicent called, this time to figure out where to meet for tutoring. She didn't laugh when I suggested the moon. We finally agreed on the library. It is the one place I know the Roadrunners would never go. Roadrunners aren't famous for their brains although Tico gets decent grades and Stretch always makes Honors, but they don't want anyone to know that.
Before I was a Roadrunner, I was a nobody. I was friends with a couple other nobodies, too. Marley's still the biggest nobody of the bunch and the fact that he sometimes wears Vulcan ears to school doesn't help his case. His t-shirts say stuff like "Beam Me Up," and he's always taking notes in his "captain's log book."
Except for Marley, the other nobodies are always nice to me even though I barely acknowledge them. I can't let anyone see me being nice to a nerd.
I'm late getting to the library. Still, I can't bring myself to go inside, so instead I practice spinning the basketball on my finger. Finally I realize that if I don't go in, Millicent will probably come looking for me, or worse, someone might see me.
The library lady peers over the top of her glasses and smiles. I try to smile back, and then look for Millicent. She said to meet in the periods section. I wander around until I spot her. Why didn't she just say, "Meet by the magazines?" She is beyond weird.
Millicent's sitting with her back straight and her hands folded, staring at a clock on the table. Pens, a notebook open to a blank page, and some other papers are all neatly lined up in front of her. Her briefcase is on the floor, and her t-shirt reads, "So many books, so little time." How can it be possible that my dad is impressed with someone like Millicent Min?
I walk toward her and she grabs a book and covers her face. I wish she'd keep it covered.
"Nerd," she says.
"Geek," I reply.
"Imbecile."
"Freak."
After about five minutes, the name calling stops and Millicent begins to lecture me. Who does she think she is, Mr. Glick? I stop her mid-sentence. "You have to promise me you won't tell anyone about this."
"About this what? Isn't it obvious? "This tutoring business."
"Yeah, okay. Now tell me, what is it about reading that you find so difficult?" "NO!" I shout. The library lady almost drops a big pile of books. "No," I say more softly. "You have to swear you won't tell."
"All right, I won't tell." I don't believe her. "Cross your heart and hope to die, stick a needle in your eye!"
"This is ridiculous," Millicent says, turning up her nose. "Why don't we just spit into our palms and rub them together?"
Finally, she's said something that makes sense. I spit into my hands and hold them out to her. She acts horrified and shouts, "I'd rather eat worms!"
Worms! That reminds me. "I've eaten a worm before. I ate it on a dare and it didn't taste half bad. It wasn't as chewy as I thought it would be . . ." Before I can even get to the part about how I had to drain two cans of Coke to wash down the wormy taste, Millicent bolts from the table. What is her problem?
Unfortunately, after a couple minutes she returns. By then I have a plan. I know she'll go for it because Millicent's all into rules and regulations like my dad.
"A contract?" she says. "A contract," I confirm. Maybe we can even keep it in a safe and seal it with wax. Or blood!
At first Millicent refuses. Then I tell her that if she doesn't agree, I'll plug my ears and hum whenever she talks. To prove this, I plug my ears and hum.
"Huuuummmmm . . . hummmm . . . huuummmm . . ."
"ENOUGH!" she yells.
Millicent glares at me, hunches over, and begins writing something in tiny perfect letters like she's some sort of human computer. It's the contract. I make her swear on her mother's life that she won't tell anyone about our secret. She makes me swear to bring pens next time. We both sign the contract, and then Millicent has Mrs. Martinez, the library lady, add her name to "make it official."
"Can I go now?" I'm exhausted.
"No," Millicent snaps. "We haven't even begun. "
I wonder if her underpants are too tight? She's sure acting like it. Man, Millicent talks a lot. I can't even understand half of what she is saying. Will she ever shut up? She's been going on for such a long time I'm getting hungry. I reach for my backpack.
"What are you doing now?" Millicent hisses.
"Eating a devilled ham sandwich." Is she so blind that she can't even tell what a sandwich is? "I have to keep my energy up for basketball. I'm the league free throw champion."
"Put that away," she squawks, "or Mrs. Martinez will kick us out of here."
"Chill, Mill." I take another bite in slow motion. It's fun watching Millicent's face get all scrunched up. "You want a taste?"
Millicent grabs her notebook and hurls it at me. It goes flying way over my head, but I jump up and catch it. Ha!
"You pig," she shouts. "You have no regard for anyone but yourself!"
Mrs. Martinez sprints over just as Millicent is about to hit me over the head with a huge book.
"Ms. Min," she says, all out of breath. "Please lower your voice. This is a library, not a playground." Mrs. Martinez pries the book from Millicent's hands and places it on the table. "I expect better of you."
Millicent Min getting chewed out by a librarian???!!! I laugh so hard I almost choke on a piece of ham. Then Mrs. Martinez starts in on me over the evils of eating in the library. I stop chewing and stash what's left of my sandwich in Millicent's briefcase.
Millicent is glaring at me, and the library lady is lecturing me. Man, this is going to be one long summer.
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